99+ Best Pirate Jokes & Puns for Kids & Adults 2025
Pirate Jokes
Pirate jokes never go out of style. Whether you’re looking for a classic pirate joke, funny puns or kid-friendly humor, we’ve got plenty of laughs for you. From clever one-liners to cheeky adult pirate joke, get ready to set sail on a sea of humor. Arrr you ready?
Pirate Jokes & Puns
Why did the pirate go to the gym?
To improve his arrrrms!
Why do pirates love their ship’s steering wheel?
Because it drives them nuts!
What’s a pirate’s favorite type of music?
Arrrr & B!
Why did the pirate become a stand-up comedian?
Because he had great delivery on the high seas!
What’s a pirate’s least favorite letter?
A cease and desist!
Why did the pirate break up with his girlfriend?
She was acting a little too landlubberly!
Why don’t pirates play cards?
Because they’re afraid of the deck being stacked!
How do pirates communicate?
Aye to aye!
What do you call a pirate with two eyes and two legs?
A rookie!
Why was the pirate ship so cheap?
It was on sail!
What’s a pirate’s favorite subject in school?
Arrrrrt class!
Why don’t pirates ever get lost?
Because they always follow the sea-ns!
What do you call a pirate’s dog?
A bark-aneer!
How did the pirate get his Jolly Roger so cheap?
He bought it on sail!
Why do pirates love the ocean?
It just waves at them!
Why did the pirate sit on the toilet all day?
Because he had the runs!
What’s a pirate’s favorite exercise?
The plank!
Dirty Pirate Jokes & Puns (Adult Humor – Mildly Risqué)
Why don’t pirates last long in relationships?
They always want a little booty on the side!
What’s a pirate’s favorite kind of lingerie?
A garrrrrter belt!
Why did the pirate bring a rope to the bar?
Because he was looking to get tied up later!
What do pirates call their one-night stands?
Booty calls!
Why did the pirate’s wife leave him?
He kept showing her his plank!
Why do pirates prefer rum over beer?
Because beer makes them arrrr-gue!
What did the pirate say to his lover?
“Let’s shiver me timbers!”
Why don’t pirates make good lovers?
They always finish arrrrly!
What do you call a pirate who’s bad in bed?
A one-minute matey!
Why do pirates love the ocean?
Because it gets them wet and wild!
Why did the pirate blush?
He saw the captain’s daughter’s buoys!
Why did the pirate bring a map to the bedroom?
Because he wanted to find the hidden treasure!
What’s a pirate’s favorite bedroom move?
The Jolly Roger!
Why do pirates never get married?
They don’t like to be anchored down!
Why did the pirate go to therapy?
He had commitment arrrr-issues!
Why did the pirate date a mermaid?
He wanted someone with great tail!
What do you call a pirate’s naughty diary?
A captain’s log!
Pirate Jokes One-Liners
I knew a pirate who was terrible at sailing… he just couldn’t fathom it!
Pirates don’t do well on blind dates—too many hook-ups!
The pirate’s favorite movie? Anything rated Arrrr!
Never trust a skinny pirate—they’ve got no guts!
I tried to make a pirate joke, but it sank!
I once met a pirate with a paper towel on his head—he said it was the bounty!
A pirate’s favorite exercise? The plank!
Pirates don’t retire, they just sail into the sunset!
I asked a pirate for directions… he just said “Westward ho!”
The pirate couldn’t finish his novel—he got lost at sea!
You know what’s a pirate’s worst nightmare? A sunken treasure!
A pirate’s favorite fast food? Long John Silver’s!
The pirate’s new jacket was expensive—it cost him an arrrm and a leg!
The pirate went to therapy, but all he did was bottle up his emotions!
Why did the pirate go to school? To improve his C’s!
A pirate’s favorite type of jeans? Boot-cut!
Pirate Jokes for Kids (Family,Friendly and Clean)
Why do pirates love fish?
Because they’re hooked on it!
What’s a pirate’s favorite letter?
Arrrr! But they really love the C!
Why did the pirate bring a ladder to the bar?
Because he heard the drinks were on the house!
What’s a pirate’s favorite instrument?
The guitarrrr!
Why did the pirate sit on a bench all day?
Because he was bench-marking the best treasure spots!
What’s a pirate’s favorite game?
Hide and Sea-k!
What’s a pirate’s favorite place to eat?
Arrrrby’s!
Why did the pirate fail math?
He kept counting on his hook!
What do you call a pirate’s favorite subject?
His-story!
Why did the pirate go to the baseball game?
He heard there would be swashbuckling!
Why do pirates love the alphabet?
Because without it, they’d be lost at C!
What’s a pirate’s favorite winter activity?
Ice-sailing!
Why did the pirate wear two eye patches?
Because he wanted to nap like a pro!
What’s a pirate’s favorite holiday?
Arrrrbor Day!
Why did the pirate cross the road?
To get to the other tide!
Why don’t pirates go to school?
Because they already know the ropes!
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
“Aye matey!”
Short Pirate Jokes for Adults
Why did the pirate switch to online banking?
Because he was tired of buried treasure!
What do pirates call their rich friends?
Matey-millionaires!
Why do pirates hate modern phones?
No more landlines!
What’s a pirate’s least favorite job?
Deck cleaning!
What do pirates do when they get lost?
They sea-k help!
Why do pirates love roller coasters?
They enjoy the thrill of the high seas!
What’s a pirate’s favorite meal?
Fish and ships!
Why do pirates avoid arguments?
They don’t want to rock the boat!
What’s a pirate’s favorite romantic gesture?
A stolen kiss!
Why do pirates always win drinking contests?
They can really hold their rum!
What do you call a pirate’s favorite dating app?
Plenty of Fish!
Why don’t pirates use social media?
Too many trolls on the deck!
What’s a pirate’s favorite vegetable?
Arrrtichokes!
Why do pirates never work out?
They already have killer abs!
What’s a pirate’s favorite coffee?
Yarrr-bucks!
Why did the pirate become a comedian?
He had a great sense of humorrr!
How do pirates stay in shape?
They do planks!
No matter what kind of pirate joke you enjoy, there’s always room for more laughs. Share these pirate jokes with your crew and keep the fun sailing.
